Can you admit to looking at someone for too long? Almost staring but not quite it’s more like sneaking a peak more than once. You just can’t take your eyes of the person. You become so obsessed you think if you follow them home you would find some hidden world of perfection or just so different from your own.
I do it a lot – I admit. The person could look like someone I know, or it could be a woman who has striking features. Once it was a tall person. Another time it was someone who had a face like an apple carving with big hands. That was a musician so I was allowed too look.
I’m not even saying it’s weird. I had thought that it might have something to do with living in a different dimension and these people were not supposed to be there. Something was not quite right with them. Or maybe it was me. I peaked even more to catch them disappear back to where they came from.
The worst is when they catch you staring. There is a half second delay before you can avert your eyes. Did they see you? You can’t really tell out of your periphery so you either have to move on or risk unsettling them. Looking again and catching their gaze is punitive. You have done something wrong and must pay by the discomfort you are feeling but you are compelled – like a drug.
It got so bad that I looked at one person daily – standing in a line at a store. They would look up and I would be staring at them. I was embarrassed but I couldn’t help it. What were they thinking of me. Was I a guy trying to put on the moves? This one was subconscious. I think everyone stairs at the cashier. I guess they don’t make eye contact the same way, or they don’t get caught. The only thing I could come up with rather than being obsessed by this person because that’s not true, is that it was natural movement in that direction, and natural because of their height to look at their face above the register as their head moved around.
It’s bothering me now. What does everyone else do?